The Mysterious Redhead
by DarlingHiddles
Summary: Harry Potter is fed up of always been one step behind Severus Snape in their very own prank war. Set 5 years after the war HP/SS
1. Chapter 1

**The Mysterious Redhead**

The explosion rocked the school.

Students halted in the corridors, wide-eyed, staring at the dungeons.

They were waiting.

Waiting for the man that would inevitably emerge, pale faced, spitting mad at whatever student had messed up this time.

What they didn't expect was for a tall redheaded woman to march past, dragging a struggling Boy-Who-Lived-To-Teach-Imbeciles. With emerald eyes, flowing curls and a flowery green dress, the expression of pure rage that her face wore was extremely unsettling. Although there was something familiar about those cheekbones...

The terrified man at her side was very worrying, their Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, known for killing Voldemort, becoming an Auror, before returning to teach, was usually fearless. He had even been so bold as to date the feared potions master, the one who should even now be storming past, hissing at first years. But the worst of all, the most extreme thing that Harry Potter had done, was to engage in a prank war with Severus Snape.

There'd been the tripping hex at the top of the stairs. The vanishing clothes at dinner leaving Severus stranded in bright green boxers. Emerald green.

Charmed stationary that squawked various obscenities about Slytherin in Snapes voice. That had certainly earned Professor Potter a few nights on the sofa.

Of course the Head of Slytherin had given back as good as he got.

Harry hadn't stopped hiccupping for hours after his morning coffee, making teaching impossible.

Having his skin branded in green and silver stripes for a week had definitely dimmed his good mood after the boxer incident.

And now he was captured by the mysterious redhead, who was stalking up to the Headmistresses office.

One foolish Gryffindor whispered, "Somebody's time of the month," as she marched past, only to be met with such a ferocious growl that Slytherins later swore he wet himself.

Nobody wanted to be in Headmistress McGonagalls shoes when the frothing redhead in heels reached the office.

Some worried for her health but those who were veterans from the war remember her battling the Dark Lord himself. But that was five years ago.

Bets were just starting to form when a red faced Gryffindor rushed up from the dungeons.

"It's Professor Snape! The woman... It's Professor Snape! A potion... Potter... and it won't fade for weeks!"

Now THIS was going to be funny!


	2. Cats got the Cream

**A/N** Okay, this was going to be a one-shot, but... meh I love writing too much! Please review!

Warning: I upped it to a T because there might be some swearing in the next one and there're a few implications and innuendos so I wanted to be sure!

_Minerva,_

I hope this letter finds you in good health, It's been so long since we met!

The children are all fine; Charlie's visiting from Romania so we're having a bit of a family reunion. Ginny won't be there as her Auror finals just began, Arthur and I are so proud! It's this Sunday at Noon. We'd love you to come? 

_Bring Harry and Severus as well, they never seem to eat enough and keep avoiding my Sunday lunches, heavens knows why!_

_Hope to be seeing you soon, _

_Molly_

Headmistress McGonagall read the letter with a sigh. Mrs Weasley was correct, it had been too long. She'd rearrange her schedule and make sure she took the Floo over before one. If she bought a bottle of Firewhiskey it could be quite an enjoyable day.

Harry and Severus on the other hand... would be troublesome. And she couldn't blame them. After their initial reception at the Burrow, she wouldn't be too keen on going either. The _Stupefy_ that had flown straight at Severus was highly uncalled for.

_Hmmm maybe blackmail of some sort? _She thought, a smirk threatening to break free, _I must have _**something**_ I can hold over the both of them! Ah, maybe that time I caught them in the staffroom against the- _

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted as the wards alerted her to somebody travelling up the spiral staircase.

With a violent crash, a strange woman burst into her office, dragging a struggling Harry Potter. And, as unnerving as the sight was, that was not what shocked the stern Headmistress. No, what truly surprised her was the uncanny resemblance she bore to Lily Evans.

And, in a rush, McGonagall knew exactly what had happened.

When she first heard the explosion, she – like everyone else in the castle – had assumed some poor mite had had a potions accident.

But now, she realised she was looking at just the next step in Severus and Harry's infamous 'prank war'. Oh she was going to have fun with this!

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

The exact moment Harry's jaw dropped in horror was when he saw the expression on McGonagall's face.

All through his master plan – brewing the potion, setting the trap, getting caught and being dragged from the dungeons – he had a comforting ball of warmth in his heart that nothing too serious would become of him after the Headmistress consoled Severus, punishing Harry severely for his silly game. And when the Professor was at last calmed, and Harry reprimanded, they'd go back to his quarters and...

But upon witnessing the look she was giving the pair of them, he knew he was dead.

The cat had found the cream.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"So, Mr Potter, who is your lady friend?"

The splutter of surprise, as Harry realised what she was doing, was really quite amusing. The white fury on Severus' even more so.

The sudden explosion of noise, however, was enough to give her a vengeful headache.

Severus' hissing was almost as bad as the yelling coming from Harry, seeming to pierce her eardrums most effectively.

And as soon as the pair began to quiet, the portraits began to govern. Phineas Nigellus wittering away about how Slytherin was surely tossing in his grave at the injustice done to his house. Dilys Derwent was gossiping shamelessly with some female heads from the 19th century, about just how short that dress was, at which Snapes glower reached murderous proportions. Dumbledore, of course, was chuckling merrily in the background and Harry was giving him such a look that left no doubt in McGonagall's mind. He was spending far too much time around Severus!

"Gentlemen," She said firmly,"If you would be so kind as to lower your voices, then perhaps we could get this mess sorted out."

"Harry, my dear, did you destroy the potions classroom in any way, or injure anybody?"

"N-no Headmistress!" He spluttered, highly unsure of where this was going.

"Well then, I don't see anything the matter! You're both dismissed." With a twirl of her cloak she transformed into her animagus, trotting over to the door where she purred once and a stunned Severus Snape moved to open it.

Once through, she changed back just long enough to say,"Oh, and you're both to attend the Weasley reunion this Sunday at noon or you'll be chaperoning the Christmas Ball!" And with a purr, the tabby cat disappeared down the spiral staircase, leaving two, very confused, Professors in her wake.


	3. Chaos at the Burrow

**A/N** So here's the third chapter… hope you like it, and please review!

**Warning:** Swearing and some adult themes probably later in the story, but putting it in now just in case

**Chapter 3**

**Chaos at the Burrow**

"Ronald Weasley, if I hear you use that language one more time!" Mrs Weasley shouted, drawn to her limit by the family reunion and the sudden arrival of Bill and Fleur with Victoire, Dominique and Louis. Apparently Louis hadn't been able to wait to see his grandparents and uncles so had begged until his parents agreed to come a day sooner.

"But Mum, look what he's done!" Ron yelled, red hair appearing round the corner. SNARRY was tattooed across his forehead, and Molly didn't need to ask who the culprit was.

Ever since the pair started dating, (Mrs Weasley still wasn't sure how _that_ had happened) George had come up with various different names for the couple. Hape, Snotter, Soe (Stag and Doe), but his favourite by far was Snarry.

Each one seemed to amuse his children, Fred the second in particular. Roxanne took after Angelina more, with her mother's tolerance for the endless jokes.

So Mrs Weasley had no doubt in her mind that the bright word – Scarlet and emerald, of course – written on her youngest sons' forehead was just another prank.

"George!" She called, valiantly trying to cut the carrots, peel the potatoes and boil the beans, all with one wand. "Take that off your brothers' head now! Severus is annoyed with us already; we don't need to push him any further away! Harry needs his family!

And with a loud POP, George Weasley apperated onto the kitchen table.

"C'mon mum, it was only a joke!" He laughed, red faced form repeating the action one too many times.

"Yes, well I don't think it's very funny!" She snapped, but softened when she caught a glimpse of his ear. Or rather, lack of.

Noticing her sudden change in demeanour, he turned away and said, "Aha, but you do think it's slightly humorous!"

"Take it off him, then go and fetch Charlie. Lunch will be ready soon and you need to lay the table. Harry and Severus will be here any minute."

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

This was the most stupid, ridiculous thing Severus Snape had ever agreed to. A dinner at the Weasley's, after everything they'd done to him. Mrs Weasley still didn't approve and he was sure to endure a series of veiled insults before he could retire to Hogwarts.

But McGonagall, - that blasted cat- had quite a few cards up her sleeves. The photographs she flashed under his nose had been enough to have him promising extra night shifts for days.

Of course that's what he told her. In truth as soon as the Weasleys were mentioned, those emerald eyes had watered, turned pleading and Severus couldn't find in in himself to deny the boy his family. But he'd never tell him that.

It must be hormones.

Besides it wouldn't do for his reputation to fall any further.

He was still a woman.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

Harry was just putting on some dress robes when a very miffed Snape marched into their bedroom. Even after apologizing profusely, he was still in the very, very – chop you up for potions ingredients – bad books.

"This was a mistake, Potter; now hurry up before I change my mind completely." The infuriating brat just smiled at that, still not used to that snarky voice coming from the redhead.

"Of course, I'm ready. Are we Flooing?"

"Yes now hurry up!"

He – coughshecough- stalked over to the fireplace, flowery dress still managing to billow.

Ever since the potion had taken effect, it had been impossible to change the dress with any other clothes. Cleaning charms had had to suffice and the drastic transformation from black had caused many students to suffer from shock – feinting spells in Potions were not uncommon.

Grasping a handful of Floo powder, he threw it in the flames, calling 'The Burrow' and stepping through. Harry only just managed to jump in beside him, grabbing on the thin figure.

He couldn't wait to see the Weasley's reaction to his latest prank.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

Mr and Mrs Weasley, Bill, Fleur, Victoire, Dominique and Louis, Charlie, George and Angelina, Roxanne and Fred ||, Ron and Hermione (Percy and his family couldn't make it) were all waiting in the garden for their guests. The food was laid out, Butterbeers opened and Firewhiskey cooling to the side.

The roar of an engine and a muffled thump in the next field over announced Hagrids arrival. George and Ron - now free of graffiti - hurried over, returning with a jolly giant.

"'ello Molly, sorry 'bout that, the ground came ou' o' nowhere!" Hagrid boomed, an apologetic look on his giant face. Mud and leaves littered his beard and a rather nasty scratch adjourned his forehead.

"Don't worry Hagrid, go and get him cleaned up would you Bill?"

"Course, mum."

A pop from the gate ate the end of the garden announced McgGonalls arrival. As she glided through the field from the gate, it became apparent she was not alone.

"Ahhh, she's bought Jonathan, how nice," Mrs Weasley said, smiling brightly as the new guests approached.

The tall, most Kingsley-ish, man grew closer and the fine features defined by rich chocolate skin became clearer, accompanied by a immaculate muggle suit.

McGonagall had abandoned her usual tartan robes and was instead clothed in an elegant, scarlet dress with a woollen shawl draped across her shoulders. The outfit was somewhat ruined by the heavy walking boots she wore.

"Terribly sorry we're late, but the board of governors insisted on a concealed hide-away. The old fools seem to have missed the memo about He Who Must Not- Voldemorts defeat. This is Jonathan, my husband" She intoned in her typical strict voice, glaring at George who was whispering to Fred ll, no doubt about pranks he once pulled on her.

Greetings were given and Hagrid reappeared just in time to welcome the remaining order members.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

It was a good hour later that Harry and Severus (or Severusita, as the students were fondly calling him) finally appeared, with a whoosh from the Floo. Severus confidently stepped out, whilst Harry sprawled on the floor, soot staining his emerald dress robes. Severus' flowery dress was perfectly pristine.

They landed right in the midst of a Weasley circle, the whole clan – bar Mrs Weasley – sitting in the living room.

"Harry!" Ron roared, charging over to his best mate, as did Hermione, albeit with a slightly more feminine touch.

"Where's Snape? Finally ditched the git? And who's this? Playing for this team again, ey?" The rapid fire of questions slightly overwhelmed Harry, but he managed to look suitably indignant and then quite amused, his emerald eyes twinkling.

"No, Ron, this _is_ Severus. Let's just say there was a bit of a potions accident…"

O0O0O0O0O0O0O

**A/N** I'm so, so sorry for taking this long!


End file.
